A.B. The best quarterback to ever play in the NFL is only a few days away from the NEXT biggest game of his life. The New England Patriots will host the Baltimore Ravens this Sunday for the right to go to the Super Bowl. Or as Patriots fans are calling it: Ray Lewis’ retirement party.
In honor of the G.O.A.T., here are number twelve’s 12 best product endorsements ever… including an actual GOAT.
#12 – MOVADO
The women of New England hang this ad in their bedrooms and the men of Indianapolis use it as kindling.
#11 – CHOKE COLLARS
Dogs and prudes were both offended. Sado masochists however had found their mascot.
#10 – GOT MILK?
Questionable choice here by Mr. Brady. A milk moustache picture is just asking for it from Jets fans.
#9 – WHEATIES
Having your picture taken while eating a cereal with your picture on the box is the definition of famous. Real life picture-in-picture.
#8 – WATER & HELICOPTERS
Would anyone be surprised if this is how Brady arrives at practice? Dude has more money than God and Gisele has double that…
Fire up the chopper TC!
#7 – WATER PARKS
Tom Brady looking “girlie” on a water slide is still 10x more manlier than all middle-aged american NFL fans. Plus, Canobie Lake Park sold out the next day, so there’s that…
#6 – UGGS
Every Patriots fan in New England has tried yet failed to successfully defend this endorsement deal. Even Massholes who wouldn’t be caught dead in anything but work boots were like, “Whatever, he’s won 3 super bowls – he can pull it off.”
I finally gave up a while ago. Dude, they are Uggs…
#5 – THE ANTI-ENDORSEMENT
Total power move by Brady. “You want me to wear your swoosh, Nike? Pay me.” – Tom Brady
#4 – PEEWEE HERMAN TATTOOS
I need to meet the person that pulled off this photoshop. Please come work for me. Also, please confirm that Brady doesn’t really have a PeeWee Herman tat…
#3 – CAN OF WHUP ASS
There will be no alcoholic beverages served at Ray Lewis’ retirement party. Cans of WHUP ASS only.
#2 – AWESOME SAUCE
I am predicting that if the Patriots win the Super Bowl, Heinz Ketchup will change their name to Heinz Awesome Sauce and rename The Steelers’ Heinz field to Tom Bradyland. Bold prediction, bolder sauce.
#1 – THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF GOAT FARMERS
Because after all, goats are people too.